Thursday, June 10, 2010

Excuse me while I fall apart for a minute.

It's 92 days left, give or take - and some days I deal better with Thor being gone than others.  I really don't like whiners and so get especially mad at myself when I get maudlin like this...because I am a grown woman and I knew what I was signing on for when we got married.

But let me be the first to tell you - being a military wife sucks.  SUCKS.  Sucks bigtime.  For months at a stretch you have no idea if you will ever see your husband again.  You wait, trying not to hold your breath and hyperventilate between phone calls and emails.  You get bad feelings in the middle of the night and then wait to hear anything...hoping that it's just an email from your husband telling you not to worry.

Actively trying not to worry while you are slowly losing your mind with WORRY.  Personally, I try to cram every waking hour with projects and running around senselessly.  Since I've already spent 6 months working on projects in our new house...I am fast running out of them.  So, to fill the gaps, I've started working out 5 days a week instead of 3.  But, the oddest times I will just start crying.  Painting a wall in Thor's office - tears.  Carrying laundry downstairs - tears.  Sitting watching a silly movie on TV - tears.  Driving to work - tears.

Geez, when did I turn into such a pussy?! 

It's the little things that get to you at the oddest times.  When a big empty house seems to echo and there's no smile and kiss on the cheek when dinnertime rolls around.  No rushing to take a basket of clothes from me because he's sure I am going to pitch down the stairs because of my clumsiness.  No talking to the TV while that silly movie is playing.  No foraging for snack food in the middle of the night.

Ok. Now, I'm even more depressed.  And since I don't want depress my lovely readers, I am going to go back to my corner to stew.

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