Wednesday, March 30, 2011

This is my dance space - aka: Respect the perimeter, son!

Ok...brace yourself for a pregnant lady rant.

I understand that a pregnant belly seems to give off vibes of, "touch it.  Touch it.  TOUCH IT."  But what I fail to understand is taking that odd compulsion and randomly touching a stranger's belly, just because she's pregnant. 

Imagine a scenario - random strange guy walks up to a woman and just touches her.  At the very least he would get yelled at, probably slapped, and possibly arrested.  And baring mental illness, a fully functioning person, man or woman, should be able to cognitively reason prior to reaching out a hand and laying it on a woman's belly.  Thinking process should include:  1.  Do I know her?  2.  Would I like someone to randomly touch me?...and 3.  Do I want to be slapped today?

After answering all those questions "no", it's time to back away from the hormonal pregnant woman who probably has no qualms about beating you over the head with a very large purse.

I mean, I don't get all up in your bidzness, touching your bits because they seem interesting...so what makes you think I want some random guy that I don't know touching my bits.  Without asking.  Hell, even if you ask...  Creepy random guy stranger danger...hello.

So after my first brush with this I have come up with rules regarding the belly. 

The Belly Rules

1.  Don't reach out a hand and raise your eyebrows - use your words.  So then I can use mine.

2.  Just because you think my belly is interesting - doesn't mean I have to let you investigate it.

3.  I don't care if it is the miracle of life - whilst it is encompassed within my personal space, I am the supreme ruler, queen and rebel leader...what I say goes.

4.  Just because someone else some other time let you - doesn't mean I have to.

5.  If I don't know you - the answer is always no.

6.  Respect the perimeter, SON! 

And on that note - I am off to design a t-shirt that says, "Handing out slaps one touch at a time" across the belly.

4 comments:

mishcee415 said...

OMG!!! I know how you feel!
My most memorable unwanted touch belly moment came when I was pregnant and still working in retail at a mall during this time. I was helping a customer and out of no where this lady (maybe 50 years old) walks in to the store right up to me. She places her hand on my belly and asked ever so sweetly “how far along are you?” At this point I am very angry. ONE: you interrupted me and my paying customer TWO: You touched me with out asking. I could not go off on this lady like I so wished to since I was working, so I replied the only way I knew how “Excuse me??? I am not Pregnant!” She walked away very very red in the face. The customer I was helping just look stunned, I smiled at her and said “ I am 32 weeks along, now what was it you needed?’

Nicole's Homemade Treats...The Blog said...

AMEN!!

Jess said...

I thankfully didn't have that problem, but never ever ever understood why people think that it is ok to do that. Love the shirt idea!!!!!!

Reyna Red - Wind Dancer said...

Jess - I have many many many shirt ideas...because of the random things people have been doing around me since I got pregnant.

LOL